Amazing Bigfoot discovery!
By Knute Berger
August 16, 2008
From what I can tell from news reports, yesterday's press conference by Bigfoot hunters claiming to have found a Sasquatch corpse in Georgia had some startling revelations. One is DNA results that answer the question: Just what is Bigfoot?
DNA samples from a presumed Bigfoot corpse returned positive results for human and opossum genes. That confirms theories about interbreeding spawned in the wake of the movie Deliverance which featured two men mating in order to make a pig in the Georgia woods.
The Bigfoot hunters are keeping their pile of fur and guts in the fridge (or is it Al Capone's vault?) for the time being, though they have released photos. If this isn't a human/opossum mix, it may be an even more important discovery: the original costume from the 1953 movie Robot Monster, which features a cave dwelling alien invader in a gorilla suit suspiciously like the one found in Georgia. Only the hard-hat diving helmet is missing.
If the Bigfoot hunters want to know what to do with their find, I suggest they bring it to the Northwest, which has a long tradition of displaying corpses for public entertainment and edification, such as Sylvester at Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe. (He even has his own bobblehead!) It might make a good companion for an old favorite, Jake the Alligator Man in Long Beach.