If it's 3 a.m. when the Red Phone rings, what time is it really?

Sunday was "Spring ahead for Daylight Saving" day.

Every spring the government borrows an hour from each of us. With luck, we will get repaid in the fall.

The government refuses to acknowledge its debt. If Sarbanes Oxley applied to governments, they would have to disclose:

In addition to the hundreds of billions we owe to the Chinese, the Saudis, the Luxembourgeoise, etc., we also owe 301,139,947 hours to various citizens and residents. This is not a trivial debt since many of them are lawyers billing $425 an hour.

So as of Sunday, March 9, the government owes us more than 303 million hours. While we hope to be paid back, we may discover there is no "Fall Backwards" in 2008 because hundreds of millions of hours were quietly earmarked for ADD counseling in Alaska Water District No. 15 in the Homeland Security appropriations bill.

Meanwhile, what does the government do with all the hours they borrowed? Where do they store them? Who is accountable?

Why don't they pay us back with interest? Three minutes of interest for an hour may not seem like much, but compounded over time, it would become significant.

Based on the shameful and discredited scare tactic that we are running out of daylight and somehow need to save more, the government forces us to loan them an hour and change our clock twice a year for no discernable benefit.

If the government wants to rearrange time, they should start getting rid of 3 a.m. "In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning," wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald. Why can't the government move 3 a.m. to 1 p.m. and give everyone an extra hour for lunch?

February is a month with little to recommend it. Why doesn't the government place February between May and June, shortening winter and lengthening spring?

Why is no one addressing these issues? Where is the candidate who will promise, "When the Red Phone in the White House rings, it won't be 3 a.m. because I will have moved 3 a.m. to lunchtime"?

• Steve Clifford writes humor for Crosscut. In his unhumorous life, he was CEO of King Broadcasting and once played a role in saving New York City from bankruptcy.