There's one thing that the Northwest has
more so than most locations;
It's water, water everywhere,
and endless liquidations.
Water soaks our skins all year
and makes our sump pumps shake,
but in return we get the joys
of river, bay, and lake.
For lovers of the sea it's been
tough times recently:
Cutbacks on the ferry routes;
whales dead indecently.
Some weeks ago off Mercer Isle,
at a pleasure boat just passing,
a rent-a-cop yelled from the shore
that they were all trespassing.
The skipper was surprised to learn
he'd accidentally fallen
into waters wholly owned
by billionaire Paul Allen.
So if you've got a family yacht,
be careful where you move it.
'cuz Allen thinks he owns the lake
and he's got the cops to prove it.
Take a ferry ride instead,
to escape Paul's massive ego.
But the boats are losing money, swabs,
as they across the sea go.
The ferry system could save dough
(10 million, maybe more)
But what they want to do is keep
the ferries at the shore.
Fewer runs; bigger crowds –
a simple antidote
for money-losing ferries – getting
more bang for the boat.
They need to think outside the ship
To raise the extra scratch.
Casino gambling might go well
on the Spokane and Wenatch'.
Wayne Newton in the Hyak lounge;
a strip show on the Elwa;
and those against state-sponsored vice
can just go straight to Hell, WA.
The promotion should be easy
for our ferry floating games.
The boats already have the needed
Northwest Indian names.
Then there are the whalers,
who gallantly set sail,
and pumped three different kinds of lead
into that poor damned whale.
There's a sad truth to be learned here,
From the stern up the bow, boys,
it's a sorry day for everyone
when Indians act like cowboys.
Will the five get punished or
will they get to beat it?
Hey! When their "prize" resurfaces,
why not make them eat it?
